Google Translate: Why do you have to translate well?

So, this is one of my favorite things to do. Watch how language gets mangled and distorted. For someone like me—who can be picky about grammar, spelling, mechanics, and such—it might be surprising. But it's funny.

I originally got turned onto this by a YouTube channel by Malinda Kathleen Reese. She does her own music as well, but what got her noticed was a version of "Let It Go" from Disney's Frozen which was featured on Last Week Tonight with John Oliver, which I also watch. Now I eagerly await Malinda's videos to drop each Tuesday.

Anyway, I will point out that the title is something that I actually put through five layers of G'Translate. So it didn't do half bad for going through Japanese, Luxembourgish, Albanian, Thai, Swedish, and back to English. But it was only coming from "Why should we have a good translation?"

Let's see what Google comes up with when we put in the first paragraph of George Orwell's 1984.

English:

It was a bright cold day in April, and the clocks were striking thirteen. Winston Smith, his chin nuzzled into his breast in an effort to escape the vile wind, slipped quickly through the glass doors of Victory Mansions, though not quickly enough to prevent a swirl of gritty dust from entering along with him.

 After Google:

April is a sunny and cold day. At 13 o'clock, beautiful drummer Winston Smith whispers, escaping through the sliding glass of the chest. Fast wins, but not fast enough to prevent dust from entering

Wow. There are no words. Well, there are words, it's just they're weird. Again! This time with the blurb for Larry Correia's Monster Hunter International. What? I'm just pulling stuff off my shelf.

English:

Five days after Owen Zastava Pitt pushed his insufferable boss out of a fourteenth story window, he woke up in the hospital with a scarred face, an unbelievable memory, and a job offer. It turns out that monsters are real. All the things from myth, legend, and B-movies are out there, waiting in the shadows. Officially secret, some of them are evil, and some are just hungry. On the other side are the people who kill monsters for a living. Monster Hunter International is the premier eradication company in the business. And now Owen is their newest recruit. 

Horribly mangled:

Five days after Owen Zastava Pitt had a bad fight in the fourth quarter, he was suffering from facial disease, precious memories and a hospital cop. Run. The fire seems to be real. Everything from mythology, myths and legends to the film. Official secretaries, some bad, some just war. On the other hand, there are people who kill monsters and earn a living. Monster Hunter International is an industrial installation company. Naha, Irving is their land.

Soon: Google attempts handwriting

What the hell?  I could kind of understand having a facial disease after having a bad fight... kinda. But precious memories. And a hospital cop? Then run! Whoa. I can't say much about official secretaries, but I can only guess that this might be true. Unofficial secretaries are good, though? Someone will have to let me know on that one. And where is Naha, Irving? Naha is the capital city of Okinawa prefecture in Japan, but I'm not sure about Irving.

Well, that's where I'm going to leave you.

Thanks for wreading!